All Things West Virginian

"The bill before the House is the Toys for Children Act.  In it, we make it law that every child will receive a beach ball."

"Mr. Chairman, on behalf othe Guardian Party I move to amend the bill so that every child will receive a stuffed toy."

"All those in favor of the amendment, say "aye." 

Motion to amend defeated.

"Mr. Chairman, the Guardian Party will vote against this bill because we do not think beach balls are appropriate for all children especially those who live in colder climates.

After the bill passed, the headline read "Guaridan Party Votes Against Toys for Children."

"Can you believe," the Chairman said, "how compassionless the Guardian Party is.  Shame on them - voting against toys for children."

Let's all hate the Guardian Party.  They are so evil.

As near as I can understand the Secretary of State's opinion, Governor Manchin will appoint Byrd's successor (I predict Gayle or Ann Barth) to serve TWO YEARS then in 2012 folks run in the Democratic primary for (a) the unexpired SIX WEEKS of Senator Byrd's existing term and (b) the full term of six years which starts in 2013.  Whew.  Can you believe the "oddness" of where we find ourselves?

Poor Governor Manchin.  He would make an excellent successor to Senator Byrd but two years is a long time.  If the Legislature can change the above rules, the problem is that some in the Legislature who plan to run for governor in 2012 don't want Joe to leave office early and give Earl Ray two years as governor prior to 2012. 

This is going to get interesting.

1.  The more you buy, the more you SAVE (Macy's)

2.  You can't win if you don't play! (WV Lottery)

The TV version of 1 above has ladies looking at a sales receipt.  One of them remarks with obvious amazement and excitement: "She saved more than she spent!!"

 

1.  When will Twentieth Century Fox become Twenty First Century Fox?

2.  Why has knowledge expanded rapidly but education and wisdom seem not to progress?

3.  Is it still necessary to say "leave your message at the sound of the beep"?

4.  When will the Internet reach its true potential?

 

1.  The Cold War and the constant threat of nuclear war

2.  The Vietnam War and its effects on everyone year after year

3.  No TV after one o'clock in the morning

4.  Jim Crow and segregation

5.  Tire chains

6.  Flashbulbs and bar lights on home movie cameras

7.  Lack of immediate news coverage

8.  Black and white TV

9.  The absence of contact lens and laser surgery

10. Scratched vinyl records

 

Being over 60 years of age, the following are things I really miss:

1.  Seinfeld

2.  The Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson

3.  Cartoons at movies

4.  Windows that open in office buildings and hotels

5.  TV Guide

6.  Free TV

7.  Family run restaurants

8.  Cheap gasoline

9.  Walter Cronkite

10.  JFK

Really boffo tire ad:  Buy four get the fifth one FREE

You know you are getting old when you watch Dancing with the Stars and you have no idea who is the professional dancer and who is the star!

Why is when you call customer service, the pre-recorded voice always says "This call may be recorded for quality control purposes."  Now that is a laudable step to take but I always thought federal law prohibited recording phone conversations across state lines without the CONSENT of both parties.  Since the pre-recorded message mentions nothing about consent, it appears these companies may be illegally WIRETAPPING phone calls.  I think that is a felony.

Why is the federal government letting BP "handle" the oil spill?  Shouldn't FEMA and the Coast Guard, Navy and EPA be running the show? 

Here in West Virginia the primary election day is a little over a week away.  Other state primaries are in full swing.  So now it is time to decide for whom to vote.  It is a daunting task, but I have learned several "tricks of the trade" from years of experience as a candidate, a voter and the holder of a social security card.  Here they are.

First of all, get in your car and drive around town.  The candidates that have the most yard signs out are obviously the most qualified and deserve your support.  If you like the color of a particular candidate's signage that is also another good reason to vote for that person.  I usually take a pad of paper with me so I can write down the names I keep seeing as I drive around.  Yard signs are a sure sign (no pun intended) that the candidate is not only qualified but deserves your vote.

Then take a look at billboards and newspaper ads.  What you are looking for are those candidates who are going to "fight for you."  You also want to chose people who are for the people meaning not those who are for cattle, pets or inanimate objects.  Another sure sign of a good candidate is the presence of the American flag or at least the red, white and blue colors.  This shows you that the candidate is a true American and therefore deserves your support.  Finally, if there are children or family shown in the ads then there is no question - you need to vote for that person.  If someone is married and has young children they are obviously qualified to decide matters such as taxes, pensions, criminal laws and budgets.

Finally, pay attention to the radio and TV ads.  These are a good source of information too.  In a radio ad what you are looking for are statements that the candidate is a "proven leader,"  "wants to serve you and his/her city/county/state or whatever" and that he or she "thinks we can do better."  I absolutely will not vote for any candidate who brags that he or she is inexperienced, lazy and thinks things should be worse rather than better.  That's the key.

With regard to TV ads, look for which candidates are smiling.  That is important.  Then also see if they are standing with people like city workers, firemen, children or average folks.  This shows they are the right candidate for the job.  Proof positive.

So now you know how to vote.  The information you need to decide is right in front of you but you need to know what to look for.  So I hope this will help.

It sounds like a contradiction in terms but we have a growing number of "secular priests."  Glenn Beck, Bill O'Reilly, Keith Oberman, Rachel Maddow, Sean Hannity, etc.

There are ads these days which say that an investment is "guaranteed."  What is hilarious is the footnote:  "Subject to claims paying ability."  In other words, you are guaranteed to get your money back if they can pay you but if they don't have the ability well you get nada.

Here's another great one.  Party X puts forth a bill entitled "Safety in Meat Products Act."  Now the bill puts a tax on meat producers and uses it to fund research on snail darters.  So Party Y votes "no."  Party X then tells us Party Y is against safe meat!!  How dumb do they think we are?